Snowlyme

Home/ The Selfish Gene/ Chapter 43

It’s freezing outside, and on my way here at around nine o’clock, I didn’t see any cars on the road. According to common sense, today is a festival for family reunions, and it is a day when… no matter how big the issue is, people will be persuaded to say “let’s talk about it after the New Year.”

However, Ji Chenfeng did not play according to common sense and insisted on shaking everything off on this day.

Does it really matter whether I received the letter or not? It’s not a secret report that needs to be read urgently. What’s the difference between reading it at the time or looking at it afterwards?

Furthermore, hiding Ji Chenfeng’s letter from me and deceiving him with a greeting card as my replies, these were all Yan Shanhua’s own actions. After learning about this incident, I just chose to continue to let Ji Chenfeng misunderstand it without denying it. At best, I was an accomplice. So why is he acting as if everything is my fault now?

“Because you didn’t do it yourself, you never mentioned these things. I should have realized it earlier. With your personality, how could you send such a thing as a greeting card?” Ji Chenfeng looked at the letters on the ground and said the last sentence, almost mumbling to himself.

After the truth is exposed in front of you and if you recall it carefully, you will find that the clues were already there, but they were ignored intentionally or unintentionally. Ji Chenfeng was like this now. Finally, he could no longer use various excuses to convince himself of the many strange things in our relationship.

“It’s true that I didn’t send the greeting cards, but I definitely didn’t mean to deceive you…” I bent down to pick up the Mid-Autumn Festival greeting card and took a look at the content inside— Tonight, the moon shines brightly, but I can’t help but wonder if someone is missing this autumn.

The handwriting was good. I don’t know who Yan Shanhua asked to write it. It was free and unrestrained, and at first glance, it looked quite similar to my handwriting.

“At first, I didn’t know the existence of the letters. Auntie probably thought I wouldn’t reply to your letters, so she didn’t give it to me at all. It was only later that I learned about the existence of the letters from you. At that time, you were so convinced that I really don’t know how to explain this to you. I was afraid you wouldn’t like me after knowing the truth, and I was even more afraid that you would blame auntie, affecting the relationship between mother and son…”

Except for slightly different reasons for concealing the truth, what I said was all the truth and I don’t think it was an unforgivable mistake.

Letters and greeting cards, the only influence of these two props is how much he likes me, and the result will not change. He will eventually succumb to my temptation and fall into my trap, completely engrossed in me.

This was destined from the first moment he saw me. I was the savior who gave him a new life, helping him walk out of the darkness; I was the first ray of sunshine he saw when he woke up from the chaos; I was also the spiritual pillar that supported him in rediscovering his studies and life.

If he were a bird, it would be the story of a baby chick raised by me from childhood to adulthood. Falling in love with me is his instinct, his nature, and his irresistible destiny. Since that’s the case, why bother with trivial concealments?

“In your opinion, these are all trivial matters.”

Ji Chenfeng seemed to have the ability to read my mind and spoke what I was thinking in my heart.

My whole body trembled, and I instinctively began to deny: “No…”

“Then what is a big deal? What kind of deception is needed to make you think it is a big deal?” Ji Chenfeng frowned and interrupted me.

My heart seemed to have opened up a dark hole, devouring all the patience I had accumulated through hard work.

Is it my own wish to act as a pawn of the family and get engaged to a woman I don’t even know. Since entering the door, no, since the beginning, I have been coaxing him and admitting my mistake. Just because I didn’t meet his expectations and ran away with him, am I now a heinous bastard?

I was a bit irritated by him, and the burning alcohol surged over my head.

“What about you? What I concealed from you was deception, so what about the things you hid from me? Did you tell me about your meeting with your ex-boyfriend and letting him in your house? What’s the difference between what you did and what I did?”

Ji Chenfeng was stunned and looked at a loss.

“I……”

Finally, I felt a bit proud and became even more ruthless: “Oh, there is still a difference. Gu Ying and I are innocent, but you and Zhou Jiyu are not necessarily the same. You are picking on me like this, but what about your ex? Are you trying to rekindle your relationship with him?”

I tore up the greeting card in my hand and scattered it all over the ground in front of Ji Chenfeng.

“He abandoned you, changed his name, and lived a good life by himself. I saved you, let you hear the voice again, and gave you hope, but you still miss him.” I was like a snake whose tail had been stepped on. In anger, I began to spit venom at all the possible targets around me, “Aren’t you cheap?”

In an instant, Ji Chenfeng’s face quickly turned pale, and his eyelashes trembled as if he had been severely stabbed by me.

“Do you really think so?” He asked.

After venting all of my malice, I regretted saying such harsh words, but it was too late to take them back.

However, it is normal for couples to quarrel. I concealed something, and he also concealed something. Since everyone is at fault, it should be considered even, right?

“For the next few days, let’s just take some time to calm down and stop contacting each other.” Putting on my coat, I half turned away and didn’t look at Ji Chenfeng.

Now that he is angry, it is difficult to coax him. I will just wait for the weather to clear up in two days and then coax him properly.

I put on my shoes and walked out of the door, but I didn’t hear Ji Chenfeng chasing after me until I stepped onto the stairs. 

Looking back, I saw that the blue iron door was still the same as when I came, wide open, emitting a faint yellow light inside. The people inside seemed to be fearless of the cold, or perhaps no longer cared about the warmth or cold.

Pursing my lips, I quickly walked down the steps holding on to the cold guardrail and returned to the car.

“Where are you going next, Young Master?” Perhaps because my expression looked very bad, Tang Bian’s tone was very cautious.

I fastened my seat belt and gave him the address of the rented house.

The heating in the house was on 24 hours a day, as I was afraid that the two cats would freeze, so I didn’t feel cold after entering the house.

I tiredly took off my coat, pulled off my tie, and collapsed on the sofa.

Upon hearing the sound, the two kittens ran to me and kept rubbing against my feet. The little white cat even jumped on the sofa and put its head into my palm, purring like a coquettish child.

Normally I might tease them if I’m in a good mood, but I really don’t have this interest today.

I leaned down and curled up my arms and legs, so that the small sofa could accommodate my body.

Although I was very tired, I didn’t feel sleepy at all. Every word Ji Chenfeng said to me today, every look in his eyes, every expression, was constantly replaying in my mind.

The black hole in my heart was getting bigger and bigger, swallowing all of my patience and vitality.

Ji Chenfeng’s scent still seemed to linger in the air, so that every breath I took deepened the impression of him in my mind.

I lay lifeless on the sofa for an unknown amount of time when the sound of firecrackers suddenly sounded outside the window. I blinked slowly and sat up, just in time to witness a gorgeous golden firework blooming outside the window.

It’s twelve o’clock.

The phone began to vibrate, and countless New Year text messages poured in from familiar and unfamiliar people, except for Ji Chenfeng. The last chat record between the two of us was still from yesterday.

“Happy New Year.” I said softly as my fingers scratched the little white cat dozing on the sofa. I got up and went to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water.

I rummaged through the drawer to find the sleeping pills that had been neglected for a long time, swallowed three pills in a row, and then curled up on the sofa again.

Of course it would be more comfortable to go back to bed, but I don’t want to do that right now. If I had to give a reason, it might be… Ji Chenfeng’s scent would be stronger on the bed.

The effect of sleeping pills was very good. In less than ten minutes, the already chaotic brain relaxed like a large pile of soft cotton, completely giving up resistance and sending out a signal of “sleepiness”.

Gradually closing my eyes, I fell into a drowsy sleep caused by the medication.

In the next few days, I stayed at home for the holidays and didn’t go anywhere. Eating takeout when hungry, teasing cats and watching movies when bored, and taking two pills to sleep at night.

Ji Chenfeng never contacted me. Although Zhou Jiyu is a bastard, the theories he taught me were never wrong. Based on my last experience, I decided to wait for seven days. If Ji Chenfeng doesn’t come to me in seven days, then I’ll go find him.

I regarded this quarrel as a new battle, hoping that Ji Chenfeng would bow his head and come to see me just like last time. Unexpectedly, on the fifth day, Ji Chenfeng didn’t come, but an unexpected person found me.

“Happy New Year, boss.” Ayao, wearing a low ponytail, black-framed glasses that covered half of her face, jeans, sneakers, and a military green down jacket, was standing outside the door, looking like an ordinary college student.

“Why aren’t you keeping tabs on Ji Chenfeng?” I blocked the door and didn’t let her in casually.

She pulled the SLR on her shoulder and raised it in front of me, sighing: “You must not have read the report I sent you, right? You didn’t answer my calls, so I had to come in person to show you something.”

Show me something?

“What is it?” I stepped aside doubtfully and let her into the house.

As soon as she entered the door, she took off her scarf, and upon seeing the two kittens sleeping together on the sofa, she greeted them with a silly smile: “Oh, these two little darlings are here, they are so cute.”

She hurriedly stroked the kitten twice, then picked up the SLR and pressed a few buttons before handing it to me.

After I took it, I found that it was a two-minute video. I glanced at her inexplicably, but she didn’t explain and just motioned for me to watch it quickly.

Pressing the play button, I sat down on the sofa. The video was probably shot by Ayao. The camera initially faced the front windshield of the vehicle, and the focus was sometimes blurry and sometimes clear, as if she was adjusting parameters.

“One week before New Year’s Eve, as usual, I squatted near Ji Chenfeng’s house. As I was sipping on the milk tea, I suddenly heard the faint sound of people coming from outside the car…”

As Ayao explained, the camera flickered and focused on the passenger window. Through the blurred glass, the lens gradually focused on the long steps.

“I looked outside and found that Ji Chenfeng was running down anxiously carrying Yan Shanhua on his back…”

It was snowing in the sky and Ji Chenfeng didn’t even wear a coat. He was wearing a thin black sweater and carrying Yan Shanhua, who seemed to be unconscious, as he quickly walked down the steep stairs.

The steps were too slippery, and with someone on his back, it was extremely difficult for him to walk. The scene was too frightening to watch.

The car window glass between the camera and Ji Chenfeng slowly lowered, and Ayao zoomed in on the camera.

I have never seen Ji Chenfeng so panicked, and his eyes even showed a bit of helplessness.

“Mom, don’t sleep…please, don’t sleep…”

Yan Shanhua’s head hung softly on his shoulder, without any response. Ji Chenfeng called anxiously, but suddenly he accidentally stepped on his feet and lost his balance.

“Ah!” Ayao couldn’t help but exclaim in the video, and the camera shook violently. My heart also rose to my throat.

Ji Chenfeng tilted his body sideways and fell towards the steps. At the critical moment, he didn’t forget to protect Yan Shanhua behind him with one hand. But in this way, all his weight fell on the right hand that was supporting the ground.

My heart beat violently for a moment, as if it had been hit hard by something. This feeling used to occur when I watched horror movies in the past. When the atmosphere is tense, cutting into terrifying music can cause the heart to jump violently. But this time the intensity was unprecedented, as if I had exhausted all my strength, causing a persistent and dense dull pain in my heart.

The video continued. Ji Chenfeng sat down on the steps, maintaining the same posture and making no movement for a while.

“Damn it!” Ayao cursed in the video and dropped her SLR camera to get out of the car. At the end of the scene, the image was fixed on Ji Chenfeng’s face which lost all color due to pain.

It turns out that his hand was injured like this…

“Fortunately, he just slipped and didn’t step on the air, otherwise he would have been disabled if he fell like this.” Ayao said in fear, “Although I’m monitoring him, I can’t just ignore him, right? I got out of the car and helped him. Yan Shanhua was well protected by her son and nothing happened to her, but Ji Chenfeng’s hand was seriously injured. Later, the ambulance arrived, and I watched them get in and leave.”

I pulled up the video again and pressed the play button: “What happened to Yan Shanhua? Isn’t she taking medicine to control her condition?”

By the way, when the video was taken, the first call Ji Chenfeng made to me that day was in an ambulance.

At that time, he probably wanted to ask for my help. Just like every time before, when he comes to me for help with hope, I always help him.

However, this time I missed his call.

I traced Ji Chenfeng’s figure on the screen with my thumb….

How could a person handle everything with a hand injury like that? If you couldn’t find me at that time, why didn’t you tell me afterwards? Is it because I didn’t respond to those three calls that you didn’t want to seek help from me?

“I don’t know the details, but her condition seems to have worsened, and…” Ayao said with regret, “She is currently living in the palliative care department of the hospital, and she probably only has a few months left.”

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