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Home/ The Selfish Gene/ Chapter 47

If I’m not happy, I won’t let anyone else be happy either. Regardless of whether I harm the enemy a thousand times and damage myself by eight hundred, even if it costs me everything to take a bite off a piece of the opponent’s flesh, the pain and scars caused to the other party by this piece of flesh are enough to fill my heart with joy.

“And Gu Ying. The two of us are not together at all. We are just playing tricks on you. Regardless of whether I am your son or not, I will never marry her. The engagement is fake, and so is your son…” 

I asked Sang Zhengbai with a smile, “Dad, you thought everything was under your control, but it turned out not to be the case at all. Isn’t this a bad feeling?”

Sang Zhengbai’s face turned livid, and he stood up with his hands propped up on the table: “Sang Nian!”

“If you had paid even a little attention to your son back then, how could it have been replaced by a nanny without you knowing about it? You keep saying that it is your mother’s wish to build a big company, but is that really her wish?”

There was a sound of porcelain colliding in my ear, as if someone had hurriedly put down a teacup.

“Sang Nian, stop talking…”

“That’s just your wish, don’t deceive yourself!” Ji Chenfeng’s voice overlapped with mine. I ignored him and vented my suppressed emotions of many years, “If she knew you had lost the son she had sacrificed her life for, she wouldn’t have forgiven you even if you had made this company number one in the world…”

“Get out, get out!” Sang Zhengbai yelled, picking up the metal pen holder on the table and throwing it at me.

Without hiding, I just tilted my head. The pens in the pen holder were scattered on the ground, and the hard protruding corners hit the end of my eyes. The pain made me subconsciously cover my eyes, and in just a few seconds, I felt a slippery feeling on my palms. The bright red liquid slowly dripped down, and a little blood bloomed on the collar of my white shirt.

“Brother-in-law!”

“Mr. Sang!”

Xu Xi and Ji Chenfeng both rushed over, one towards me and the other towards Sang Zhengbai.

Xu Xi took off her valuable shawl and wanted to apply pressure to stop the bleeding, but I blocked her.

“This is the second time you’ve hit me. Come on, hit me again until I’m dead.” I put down my hand and let the blood drip down, but my attitude didn’t change at all because of this blow.

Sang Zhengbai really wanted to smash it, but Ji Chenfeng pressed down the paperweight in his hand and turned to glare at me, shouting: “That’s enough, get out!”

My body stiffened for a moment, and Sang Zhengbai’s pen holder didn’t scare me, but Ji Chenfeng’s roar made me uncontrollably shrink. But when I regained my senses, I realized that I had developed such a pitiful emotion. At this moment, my resentment towards Ji Chenfeng, the initiator, exceeded that of anyone else.

Do you think I said too much now? Who the hell stuck to me like a male dog in heat?

It was clear that my breathing rate has increased, but the oxygen seems to have been cut off, with little being delivered to the brain. A blurry pattern appeared in front of me, and I held onto my forehead, swaying unsteadily while standing. Xu Xi exclaimed and immediately came forward to help me.

“Everyone, please calm down first, Sang Nian, let’s go to the hospital and treat the wound first, okay?” Xu Xi coaxed me and kept dragging me out of the door.

I was already feeling dizzy, so when she pulled me, I could only move along with her strength.

For a short while, I had been looking at Ji Chenfeng, and he was also looking at me. It wasn’t until I was dragged out of the office that his gaze shifted away from me, while I was still looking at him. The office door slowly closed, and he turned around and said something to Sang Zhengbai. The distance was too far for me to hear clearly. Not long after, the wooden door completely closed, and I couldn’t see him anymore, but I still didn’t take my gaze back.

“Let’s go, I’ll take you to the hospital.” Xu Xi put her shawl over my head to shield me from others’ probing eyes.

Half of my field of vision was blocked by the cashmere fabric. I grabbed the corner of the shawl, pressed it on my still bleeding wound, and thanked her in a low voice.

“No need, I’ll go by myself. “I didn’t want to stay in this place for a second, so I politely declined her offer and quickly walked towards the elevator entrance.

“Xiao Nian!”

I happened to encounter an empty elevator, so I quickly stepped in and pressed the button.

Xu Xi didn’t chase after me. She stopped outside the elevator, her eyes red, and she hesitated, calling out to me again with a complex expression.

“Xiao Nian…”

Everything happened so suddenly that she didn’t have enough time to think too carefully about it, so she still regarded me as “Sang Nian” and Xu Wanyi’s child. But after she calms down and reviews the whole thing, she would have no problem realizing how despicable and shameless of a person I am.

Rather than face her disgust afterwards, it would be better to say goodbye here.

I lowered my eyes and let the elevator door gradually close, but I never responded to her.

….

I went to the hospital, and after the doctor looked at the wound at the corner of my eye, he said that it needed four stitches.

“It’s so dangerous, you almost hit your eye.” The middle-aged doctor said worriedly while giving me stitches, “Skin and flesh injuries are nothing, but if you hit your eye, you’ll be in trouble.”

“It’s best to get smashed to death.” I said.

The doctor glanced at me and asked, “Did your girlfriend hit you?”

“No. My girlfriend’s father hit me.”

“What, don’t he agree with you two being together?”

Pulling the corner of my mouth, I said: “Maybe he thinks I have tarnished his beloved child.”

The doctor shook his head gently and said: “Hey, children and grandchildren will have their own blessings. What are your parents doing by making decisions for you? You are so handsome and young, definitely a high-quality potential stock. If they look down on you, it means they have no vision. Don’t be discouraged.” After cutting the sutures, he signaled that I could leave.

The first time Sang Zhengbai hit me was three years ago.

Because I severely injured Shi Hao by smashing a wine bottle, I was sent to the police station together with Zheng Jieyuan. Sang Zhengbai dealt with the matter all night and finally pulled me out early the next morning. His face had been drooping from the moment he saw me, and he didn’t say a word to me.

I arrived home like this and followed him inside. Before I could react, he suddenly turned around and slapped me heavily in the face.

“Snap!”

This slap hit me with all of his strength, causing my ears to buzz and even my alveolar bones faintly ached.

“You are a fucking disgrace to me.” He pointed his index finger at me and cursed angrily, “How come I, Sang Zhengbai, gave birth to a son like you? Are you worthy of your mother? Who gave you everything you have now? Your mother paid for it with her life! My only hope for you in this life is to help me grow Zhengyi Group together, but look at what you look like now? Huh? Sang Nian, you really let me down!”

What am I like?

All my life, I studied hard, did my best to please him, and tried hard to do everything I could to take over Zhengyi Group without any mistakes. But now, just because I beat up a bastard, all of my previous efforts were in vain?

When I did the right thing, he was never proud of me. But now that I made a mistake, he was disappointed.

“I’m sorry, Dad.”

But because I already knew about my background at that time and knew that I was just a lowly “civet cat”, I didn’t dare to express my feelings and have a direct conflict with him.

I admitted my mistake, acknowledged all his accusations, and promised not to repeat it again next time. Afterwards, a continuous cycle of “seeing a psychiatrist” and “changing psychiatrists” began.

I don’t think I really have a psychological problem. Maybe I have some insomnia and anxiety, but it’s far from the level where I needed to see a psychiatrist, so I always refused to cooperate.

Zhou Jiyu should be the most active psychologist I have seen. However, in the end, this person not only failed to help me quit smoking and drinking, but also failed to help me retain Ji Chenfeng…

The wound suddenly started to hurt in the middle of the night. I woke up from my sleep and fumbled for the whiskey bottle and painkillers on the coffee table.

Picking out a capsule and swallowing it with the wine, I lay back on the sofa, looking at the dim ceiling, but I still couldn’t fall asleep smoothly.

I had a lot of messy dreams. I dreamed about Sang Zhengbai, I dreamed about that night at the police station three years ago, and I also dreamed about… Yan Shanhua.

I dreamed that she was holding my hand and walking up the long staircase. When we were almost home, she took out the candy in her bag and gave it to me, saying that it was from the young master of her employer’s family.

“Young master heard that you like to eat candy, so he asked me to bring it to you. This is imported candy, so remember to thank him next time you see him, okay?”

“He must have given me the candy he didn’t want to eat.” I snorted coldly, not wanting to reach out.

“If you say so, I won’t give it to you. I’ll eat it myself.” As she spoke, she was about to stuff the candy back into her bag, but I snatched it away with quick hands.

“Give it to me, it’s mine.” I quickly peeled off the wrapper and stuffed the crystal clear fruit candy into my mouth, with a sweet taste instantly spreading into my mouth. I squinted my eyes, held Yan Shanhua’s hand again, and hummed happily.

“Xiao Nian actually likes the young master very much, right?”

“I don’t like him!”

“But the young master likes you very much.”

The little hand held the bigger hand, and because I was in a very good mood, I couldn’t help but swing it back and forth.

“If he likes it, then he likes it. Who cares?”

Yan Shanhua smiled helplessly: “You…” She seemed to have a lot to say, but she didn’t know where to start.

I looked at her, but she had the setting sun behind her, and no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t see her face clearly in the shadows.

The dream abruptly ended here. I didn’t know what she was trying to say to me, and I didn’t even…. walk down that staircase with her.

I thought I would be indifferent to Yan Shanhua’s death, no different than the death of a stranger.

I was wrong.

After she died, there is no one in this world who is connected to me by blood; after she died, there is no one in this world… who can love me.

Putting my arm on my forehead, I murmured in the darkness: “Ji Chenfeng wouldn’t be so kind as to give me candy. How can he still remember me after he becomes a young master?”

The wound that was no longer painful suddenly tinged with sharp pain, and warm liquid slid down my cheek.

I scrambled to my feet in confusion.

Did the wound break open?

Without turning on the light, I entered the bathroom in the dark. When I pressed the switch next to the mirror and the incandescent light above my head lit up, what I saw was not a terrifying face with a bleeding wound, but… a face full of pain, embarrassment, disappointment, and tears.

I was stunned for a few seconds before I was sure that the person in the mirror was really me.

Touching my cheek in disbelief, I felt a wet sensation in my hand.

It’s not blood, but tears.

I cried. I…actually cried? For whom, for Yan Shanhua, for Ji Chenfeng? Fuck it, even if I run out of blood, I won’t shed a single tear for them.

I looked at myself in the mirror, with bloodstained white of my eyes, swollen corners, and a faint red line emanating from my lower eyes. Just with my eyes open like this, tears are like a river without a dam, constantly overflowing.

The whole person looked extremely miserable and pitiful.

How could I show such an expression? How could I show such a defeated expression, so fragile that I could only hide in a corner and lick my wounds alone??

Quickly grabbing the towel beside me, I roughly wiped away all suspicious water stains from my face, completely disregarding the wound at the corner of my eye.

Staring at the mirror, I kept backing away: “Get out of my head! Get out!!”

Throwing the towel heavily onto the mirror, I stormed into the bedroom in anger, dug out the few sleeping pills left, and poured them all into my palm.

All of it was that dream’s fault.

I firmly believed that my weakness and gaffe all stemmed from that unrealistic dream. And as long as I slept deep enough and lost consciousness, I would no longer dream of those ridiculous things.

Returning to the living room, I threw all the pills into my mouth and swallowed the wine from the bottle.

I am not sad, nor am I crying. That’s just an extension of the dream, it’s all an illusion.

As long as I have a good sleep, I will be fine after waking up. With this thought in mind, I lay down on the sofa and soon felt a rapid surge of drowsiness. My eyelids gradually drooped, and I slowly closed my eyes.

Tears are the most useless thing for me. It can neither be my weapon nor my shield. I don’t need it.

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